This morning, I was writing an e-mail to a couple of friends where there may be some synergies from a business perspective. It suddenly hit me that the difference between a real leader and a team member is that a leader knows when to leave the team - and does it.

Emotional Ownership

When one takes emotional ownership (as I encourage organizations to strive for in all of their teams so that the teams can accomplish the desired objectives), one becomes committed to the vision and the goals. Some members of the team may even go so far as to see the business as “their” baby. When one creates a result that is going to last, one has to treat it much like a parent does with a child. Nurture it, guide it, help it to develop the right values, and lay the foundation so it can realize its potential. Like a parent does with a child, the business person must prepare the business to be handed off to others and its own independence.

How leaders react when the vision changes or the project is killed

What happens if someone takes emotional ownership and the project must be “killed” or the vision must be changed? In this situation, team members react by attacking in an effort to save their vision while leaders show others the right path and either adopt the new vision or run away.

Some leaders see the new vision and can adopt it. Some may try to change the vision. For others, they aren’t in a position to shape the vision and they can’t see a vision, if a vision exists. The leaders in this last category may react in a way that may cause them to be seen as either traitors or unprofessional. They leave.

Leaders who leave

Leaders who cannot shape the vision or cannot see it may be doing the right thing when they leave. Leaders put the needs of the team first, and their own needs last. When the leader walks away, he or she does so knowing exactly what he or she is giving up. Leadership isn’t for the faint of heart. It is hard to walk away. Perhaps, it is the hardest thing that one will ever do in a work environment.

In leaving, the leaders know that they are giving up things they value - the sense of family, the commaraderie, and the feeling of belonging. They know they are giving up their share of the dream, and their ability to help shape the future. And, they often give up tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars (or more).

And for what? They do so for one reason and one reason only. It is best for the team. For them, this makes it the right thing to do. This is the knowledge that sustains them through the difficult notice period and the struggles that come afterwards. It is the knowledge that allows one to put a smile on one’s face and move forward and to walk away from the team and, in some cases, the organization that they love. This knowledge and their unlimited devotion to the team is the thing that allows them to give away the things that they most want to keep - their membership in the team they’ve helped build and the friends that they have grown to know, care about, and trust.

Why they walk away

What motivates the leader to walk away? Some may wonder. It seems to me that there are six possible answers:

The true answer, or so it seems to me, is that the leader is one who realizes that he or she has the potential to destroy that which the leader’s team has worked so hard to build. And the leader knows this sets the team up for failure or could result in the leader lashing out and destroying that which he or she has tried to create. Fear of either of those two consequences is, at the end of the day, the reason that the leader chooses to leave.

Filed by Coleen Davis at 11:27 am under Leadership, Team Building